The England Crisis

Yes, english people all over that blady island are in a crisis. They're team, so long held up as one of the best teams in the world, have quite frankly, been playing like shite in the world cup games.

The team seems sluggish, perhaps burdened by the expectations of an entire country. Imagine that , these expectations could be measured. Also, imagine that on average, an english fan's expectations for their country to do well in the World Cup is about 50kg. That should be roughly 1/3 of their weight. Fat bastards.

Anyways, expand your imagination further, and imagine, if only just 1/4 of their population expected Beckham and gang to do well, so thats 60 million fat bastards divided by 4 which is ...ermm....damnit, where's that calculator....hmm...what does the divided sign look like again eh......AHHH!

15 Million Fat Bastard England fans.

Now, if the expectations of 15 million bastards were collectively weighed down on the English team, that means that they'd have to withstand a grand total of 750,000,000 kg. And if they're all drunk, just multiply this number by 1000.

Now, i truly understand why i learnt maths. Its to be used in comprehending pathetic team performances by England as well as calculating the gravitational forces that affect Peter Crouch and Pamela Anderson's boobs.

Anyways, i think "Sven's Men" were pumped with hulk-like porpotions of steroids or something, because for the first 45 minutes of the England v Sweden game, they managed to lift the burden of them and actuall play good decent, passing and attacking football. I actually managed to get through it without more than 2 yawns! Amazing!

Well, it didnt last through the 2nd half though. Was yawning like mad. But still, there were plenty of plus points, like the performance of Rooney, Hargreaves and 2 Cole's. However, Senor Beckham, Lampard and Carragher had truly woeful games. I'm surpised we didnt see Aaron Lennon play this morning. He seems like a real handful.


Well, here's a good England joke i found:

Rumours that England midfielder Frank Lampard was seen successfully seducing a young woman in a Danish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by the English FA.

An FA spokesman stated: "I find it totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a successful pass to or at anyone."