The QandA

Q.What do i want in life?
A. Everything

Q. Can i get it?
A. Yes

Q. What is everything?
A. Job, Money.

Q. Are those things important?
A. Yes

Q. Why?
A. Safe, Secure, Independent.

Q. Why is that important?
A. Because i'm 25 fucking years old this year. Another 5 years i'm thirty. I'm behind schedule.

Q. What about a relationship?
A. It will have 2 wait.

Q. Are you sure?
A. I dont know.

Q. Is this fair for her?
A. nope.

Q. Do you love her?
A. Yes. I miss her voice.

Q. Then wtf ?
A. i'm daced.

Q. Why does it have to wait?
A. I want to make something of myself first.

Q. why cant you do it and have a relationship at the same time?
A. I can.

Q. The why does it have to wait?
A. Maybe i dont want a serious relationship right now?

Q. You are not allowed to answer with a question. I am Mr.Q. You are Mr.A.
A. I'm sorry.

Q. So why then, why does it have to wait?
A. Because, its hard.

Q. Thats all? But all the good stuff is hard to get, hard to achieve.
A. ...............you are absolutely right.

Q. Why is it hard?
A. Considerations, so many. I'm trying, but i'm failing, i'm afraid i will keep dissapointing her. She expects much from me, and i'm falling short. I'm afraid i'm not the man inside that she wants.

Q. Is that a fact?
A. No, its my belief.

Q. So do you want to be with her?
A. Yes, she's my nitro. But sometimes i just cant stand it...she knows just wat to say to tick me off. I try to control myself, to be patient, but i cant do it forever.

Q. can't? or don;t want?
A. I dont' want to be in a relationship like that, that i'm controlling myself, to bear with her moodswings and impatience.

Q. So you are mr.perfect?
A. No, i've lied to her. But i would have told her the truth. I would have told her about P in time. I couldnt stand the thought that i was untruthfull about who P was to me. I was dying to tell her, but i couldnt not stand the thought of making her unhappy. I told myself to wait for the right time. I knew deep inside this would blow out of porportions if she ever found out first. But i did nothing. Am now paying the price. She's lost faith in me. She doesnt trust me. I've hurt her bad. i could have avoided all this by just telling her. would she have hated me for lying to her for the past 2 years about P? i dont know.

Q.So you made 1 mistake?
A. I said i would change, but didnt.

Q. Change? Change how? Dont you control your temper, your impatience, when she over-reacts or gets moody?
A. I do, but its more than that.

Q. What?
A. I must do all that and still console her, pujuk her, sometimes even when i didnt do anything

Q. So what?
A. Its hard lah fucker.

Q. Dont make it seem like you bend over backwards for her...what does she do for you?
A. She forgave me for that P-incident. She .... said she would be more understanding and patient. She 's honest with me, tells me when i've fucked up. She wants to make me happy.

Q. What more do you need?
A. Need? Not much. Maybe more space. My life feels cramped, with her in it.

Q. Why?
A. Because she is my number 1 priority in life.

Q. So, you dont want her to be no.1?
A. I dont want a relationship to be number 1. I'm too young for this. This is a fact for me!.

Q. We are going in circles. Focus!?!?
A. Ask the right questions you idiot!

Q. Lets take a break and continue this late....
A. Fine, i must think more...

Q. What song do you want to listen to?
A. Any radiohead song...High and Dry, Sail 2 the moon, Paranoid Android . Its good stuff. Wish i had a joint.